I LIKE TOAST & COLLARDS!

I wrote about this almost 7 years ago. I told the story today at work and once again, laughed until I cried. I hope y’all enjoy it, too.

Sometime in 2006….

This happened about a month ago and I can’t believe it slipped my mind this long to relay it. I think when it happened, I laughed too hard & blacked out.

My son Ethan (he’s 6) came home from his dad’s one weekend with (what I thought) was a statement. Here’s how the conversation went:

Mom- did you know I like toast & collards?

(for you non-Southerners, ‘collards’ are short for ‘collard greens’, which are a vegetable/weed/something that you cook w/pork fat and eat. Good stuff, think spinach that says ‘ya’ll’ when you eat it.)

(I’m a bit perplexed, thinking that toast & collards DO NOT go together, but what do I know?)

Yes, Ethan, I know you like toast and collards, did you eat that this weekend?

NO MAMA- I like toast & collards!

(Okay, now I’m boggled, I thought I answered correctly)

Okay, Ethan, I know, but did you eat toast and collards or what?

NO MAMA…I LIKE TOAST AND COLLARDS!!!

(He’s in EXTREME pissed-off-6-year-old-mode now and to try to save myself, I throw in the white flag)

Okay, E, I don’t understand about your toast and collards, what do you mean?

MAMA!! WHEN I DRINK MILK IT HURTS MY STOMACH & MAKES ME POOP!

I LIKE TOAST AND COLLARDS!

Lactose Intolerant/like toast and collards. Say it out loud.

Lactose Intolerant.

I am crystal clear on this subject now. I busted out laughing which further infuriated him, but it absolutely could NOT be helped. His dad likes toast and collards and must have told him about it, therefore, Ethan had a bellyache & made his own diagnosis.

Who needs all this confusing medical jargon?

I know I laughed myself a hyena over this one.